what I know today

I know that pride kills my relationship with Christ.  Anytime the “I” or “me” is primary in my thoughts I am probably in the wrong in some manner.  I know that I see things primarily through my own eyes and while I am often certain of my own perspective, the world is complicated and my perspective is not the only one that is valid.

I have struggled greatly over this past year in particular in my relationship with my husband.  I struggle because he does not meet my many of needs.  We are often talking and acting past one another because we do not speak one another’s love language and neither of us try hard enough to bridge that gap.  I believe (rightly or wrongly) that I feel this gap far more than my husband does.  I am deeply convinced that I am "more right” than he is on most of our issues and believe that the things I request from him are so small that it could possibly be cruel as to withhold them from me. 

My woes led me dangerously close to divorce and what stopped me from crossing that line is the belief that I would gain nothing.  I would gain only the 'loss of expectation' that things would get better.  This could also be phrased as the HOPE that things would get better.  I’ve just chosen not to go there.  I’ve sided on my pain and emptiness.

That my marriage has not turned out as I hoped and planned ultimately led me down the path of questioning God.  Not His existence because creation keeps me grounded there, but on who He is.  The personal-ness of the Jesus I always knew.  I’ve been blessed with the gift of faith and of often of optimism and that saw me through much.  The ultimate disappointment I experience in my marriage struck hard and deep and I believe has been used by the enemy to bring my walk with God to a crawl if not a halt.  It was brewing for years but my encounter with evil through the movie "Food, Inc." added incredible fuel to the fire.  The blaze of WHY has burned quite bright this past year.  My encounter with evil so clear and unnerving that I’ve been rendered almost helpless.  The evil is so big and I am just one; how could anything I do make a difference?

This same train of thought has carried me through in many other areas of life.  What is the point of so much suffering?  When I look at my Mom and see that while, yes, she has brought some of life’s ails upon herself, the most offensive of them were without her control.  These events in her life have forever transformed her into a deeply broken person who often despairs of life and struggles to cling to God.  What purpose is there in such suffering?  I always wanted to be like Joseph who, as far as we read, did not ask “why” of God though he was taken from his family, sold into slavery, rose to power, wrongly accused and thrown in jail where he was left to rot, then brought out again to ultimate glory in being present for God’s will.  I love that we don’t read him asking why.  Here I am now, asking Why and I hate it; but I cannot stop.  I must go through this if I ever hope to come out the other side.  There is still a part of me that trusts there is more though the doubt in my mind would seek to smother it.

I’ve tried to step back from the immediacy and emotion of my wants in my marriage and instead look at what I have.  Look at and appreciate the good I have.  Though we are cautioned against comparison, we humans do love to compare ourselves to one another.  When I compare the man Adam is with many other husbands I know of, he does stand tall.  He is a good man, with high moral character.  He works steadily, often at jobs he truly dislikes, and provides financially for our family.  He handles our finances with little complaint, though I do give him cause to complain more often than I should.  He is a good father who cares for his children and does seek to give them a good life.  He spends time with his children and while he does things in a very different way than I do, I appreciate that he is a father, not a mother, and I need to respect our differences.

My husband does most of the cooking and keeps things in our home from falling into complete untidiness, including doing most of the dishes.  He doesn’t ask much of me, doesn’t ask me to do his laundry or clean his bathroom.  He gives me the freedom to serve as often as I want and has allowed me to attend a church I prefer over our old church, though I believe his heart is still back there.

The separateness is not necessarily a rejection of me, though certainly I often feel it as such.  It can also be a coping mechanism for living in a life that is difficult (if only by first world standards).  In a world that seeks to rob us of our faith and beat down our hope, to exhaust us and keep us from shining a light for Christ.

So, today I know that I am not always right.  That there is always another point of view and even if I don’t share it, I do not ultimately decide the validity of the truth…God does. 

This weekend, I hope to spend some more time contemplating this and seeking reunion with a God I don’t always agree with.  A God I don’t understand.  To rekindle the hope that comes from knowing a God big enough I cannot grasp all of who He is.  To allow the reinstatement of my trust that He knows best.  That evil will not win.

problem of evil

Honestly, my faith has been wavering much this year.  Who is God, how involved is He, the whole problem of evil thing has bitten me and will not let go.  The idea that Jesus has come already makes me start to wonder what the point of everything is.  We seem to just struggle and suffer down here and there is so much of it.  Perhaps I have lost my ability to count it joy having been denied the marriage I so wanted. 

I am finding the world more alluring and can even see that this could all be a trap of the enemy a’ la Screwtape, and yet…

Creation is still the foundation of my faith as I do not see a way away from the knowledge that intelligent design is the only thing that makes a modicum of sense; in fact I find creation the single most compelling reason to believe in God.

I see no benefit in such extreme suffering.  Why should my Mother be so unhappy and so deeply depressed and alone.  To what end?  I find myself thinking that her inability to let go of the past and have any happiness as bordering on cruelty.  Is the whole thing just a life lesson on the evil of sin?

I hear the arguments on love demands choice.  I sit with that.  I completely agree that love demands choice.

I know the argument for “how much evil would be acceptable?”  Would half the evil in the world be acceptable?  Well, probably not.  How much evil have we been spared and just don’t realize it. 

I think perhaps I’m just being selfish or my usual 2x4 girl attitude is out of control.

And yet, here I am.

Women Teach in Church?

I continue to struggle with the way the traditional church deals with women.  It may just be my own pride, but I struggle greatly with the way I personally have been taught over much of my life that women are “lower” than men, that we cannot teach men.  I think of a comment a friend of mine’s daughter said years ago that rings true for me… “I can’t think of another spiritual gift that is gender specific.” in discussing teaching and women. 

Just sharing something from someone I trust.  I guess I am mostly OK with the husband/wife pecking order because the entirety of teaching isn’t a dictatorship of husband over wife, but a relationship of mutual submission to one another highlighting what each gender needs most:  women need love and God tells husbands to love their wives; men need respect and God tells wives to respect their husbands.

I don't know if I just refuse to "understand" this, but God gave me a brain and it seems pointless to not use it.  That doesn't sound like God to me.

The following is taken from str.org, a truly wonderful resource that you should have bookmarked!

 Women Teach in Church?                 

Gregory Koukl

What does I Tim. 2:11-15 say about the male-female "pecking order" in the church? Greg questions the commonly held translation, shedding some light on a touchy subject. "

Churches who take what might be considered a more traditional or conservative view on 1 Timothy 2:11-15 don't allow women in leadership because of how they interpret this passage.

There is a variation on that, and that is that they will allow women in leadership if there is a man over them. For instance, we have a male pastor and a male council in our church. No women are allowed on the council, but we do have female pastors because they are under the leadership of the male head pastor and a male council. That is because the word in verse 12 which talks about a woman teaching and exercising authority over a man has the sense of usurping authority. The idea there is that if she is not usurping authority, then it is legitimate for her to teach--like teaching the youth, or even teaching from the pulpit, or running a ministry--as long as there is a man over her; but there ought not be a woman that is the head of the church, or women on the council, because then they would be in a position of ultimate authority, which this supposedly restricts.

My problem with either of those two views is that they simply do not accord with the text itself if we are to take the text strictly at face value.

"Therefore, I want the men in every place to pray lifting up holy hands without wrath or dissension. Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet."

Now, what this says is not only that a woman should not be in authority over a man such that he does the teaching, but that in the pecking order of the church, every adult male has authority over every adult female. It's like the military where every officer is in authority over even the highest enlisted man. In the case of this passage, the lowest man in the pecking order of the church is above the highest woman, such that there are no women that are in any position of authority over any man.

I don't know of any church that takes it that way, but that is just what the words say on the traditional interpretation.

They try to get around it when they say that it says not to usurp authority. It says, "I do not allow a woman to teach or usurp authority over a man." If you put a man in authority over her so she is not usurping the man's authority and then allow her to teach other men, you are still violating this verse. It doesn't say, I don't allow a woman to teach unless she has a man over her. As long as she has a man over her she can teach other men, which is the way they take it. It says, "I don't allow her to teach or usurp authority." Period.

So, neither view takes the text seriously. The text goes too far, it seems to me, than anyone is willing to take it. If a person is going to take the passage in this fashion and translate men as men and women as women, then they have to go much further than they already do if they want to be biblical.

I personally think the word "men" and "women" are mistranslated here. Here's why I think so.

First, all the men would be over all the women, and in other scriptures that we read we have occasions where women are in authority over men. Even in the Old Testament where you have a highly patriarchal society, you have women judging men. Deborah was a judge, for example. If you are identifying God's priorities, there may be a distinction between that and the church, but at least we see some pattern in the Hebrew Bible where this happened.

Sometimes you hear the explanation that there wasn't a man, so God had to raise up a woman. What a bunch of malarkey! If God does the raising up and His pattern is men over women, then He will raise up a man. That is just a weak response.

When I did my own word study on the words man and woman, I found out that the word man is aner and the word woman is gune . In the case of the word aner , which occurs something like 150 times in the New Testament, fully 40 times that it occurs, it is translated "husband." In other words, "husband" is a legitimate translation of the word depending on the context. When you look at the context, virtually every single time that it wasn't absolutely clear that the woman with the man in the context was his wife, it is almost always translated "husband" and "wife." So this really is an unusual translation, given the pattern in the rest of the New Testament.

So, I asked myself why would they break with the pattern in this passage? I think they were influenced by tradition, that's why they translated this passage man and woman and not husband and wife.

What happens if we translate it husband and wife? That strikes me as a legitimate translation. It seems that when you translate it husband and wife, everything falls into place. Let me read it in that way: "Let a wife quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness; but I don't allow a wife to teach or usurp the authority of her husband, but to remain quiet."

Is that strained? Not at all. Is that difficult? Not at all. The "quiet" there is in the context of receiving instruction. I think the point is not that she never speaks, but that she is the one who is in the position of being taught as opposed to being in the position of the teacher. The word "teach" here is not in the aorist tense. In other words, an aorist tense means a single point in time action rather than a continuous action. So, it isn't saying that a woman cannot have a moment where she can tell something to her husband, it's that the woman should not be the teacher over her husband, but that the woman is actually under the teaching authority of her husband. He is the head of the household, spiritually speaking. That's really what it amounts to.

Verses 1-8 is in one grouping, verses 9-15 is another. Verse 11 and following is directed at women in the context of their relationship with a man to whom they are supposed to be entirely submissive. That is a marriage relationship.

Finally, no other place in Scripture teaches that all women should be under the authority of all men in the church. If this passage is to be interpreted the traditional way, this makes a new and unusual pattern of submission. However, the New Testament consistently teaches that a wife should be under the authority of her husband. That fits the larger context of the New Testament much better.

There may be some problems with my understanding here, I am willing to acknowledge that. But I think that it is less problematic than the other view. Frankly, there are not too many other places in the scripture except for 1 Corinthians 7 where you have a similar kind of situation and the traditional translation there also breaks the pattern. So, I think this is as good a way as interpreting the passage as the other.

1 Timothy 2 talks about the relationship between husband and wife; it’s chapter 3 that talks about church leadership.  And it’s there that Paul is clear that men are to be in the roles of authority in the church as elders, overseers, and deacons.

 

 This is a transcript of a commentary from the radio show "Stand to Reason," with Gregory Koukl. It is made available to you at no charge through the faithful giving of those who support Stand to Reason. Reproduction permitted for non-commercial use only. ©1995 Gregory Koukl

For more information, contact Stand to Reason at 1438 East 33rd St., Signal Hill, CA 90755
(800) 2-REASON  (562) 595-7333  www.str.org

 

ouch

This past weekend was a bit rough for me.
I'm glad it happened because I desire truth and know without it we can accomplish little.

Life has been pretty stressfull in our home.
My husband was just laid off and while there are some good things to that (he's not stressed about work, he does all the driving for the kids to and from school and the house is really clean!!) it also comes with a down side.  Not having enough money to pay everything being the primary one.  Looking for a job when there really aren't any.

On top of that, our marriage is broken.  Not irreparably so (in my humble opinion), but broken all the same.  I've been asking (telling) my husband that I really need more from him and that I'm not going to last much longer without more.  This is a conversation we've been having for years.  I cycle through not being able to stand the loneliness anymore and then we make a few improvements and that placates me (and him? I don't know) and I can go forward again for a while.  I'd recently had this "please talk to me" conversation and last Friday my hubby decided to... talk to me.

Except, it was a really bad day.

I was PMSing in an almost criminal fashion.  Lack of sleep and had a bad day at work.  On top of that, I was feeling neglected by friends and getting kind of angry with all the people in my life that weren't living up to MY expectations.  (harumph)  Ever been there?  Yeah, not fun.

So I come in and sit down ready to lose myself in a tv show and pretend I don't feel like I do.  My husband doesn't let it go.  Now this in itself is fairly miraculous.  He would normally try once and then say "OK" and go hide in his mancave.  This time he pushed.  We ended up going outside to sit in the car in order to have a little privacy from our children.  There we talked (I talked) about me feeling strongly that he doesn't like me much.  Telling him that I am the same woman he fell in love with and married.  I still care about things and want to make a difference.  I still want more out of life.  I still love him and our kids and want to create a wonderful home for all of us.  But I am lonely and it hurts and I am reaching a breaking point.  Long story short, my husband admitted that he doesn't like me much (but does love me); that I can really make him nuts.  That he has changed and he doesn't think there is much more to life.

Thinking over that conversation... I cried for 2 days.  I even woke up at night crying.  It was rough.  But... I was also relieved.  This truth I can work with.  There is something here to work on.  So after the initial waterfall of tears, I was able to think more clearly.  Gosh... it sounds like my husband has lost hope.  He doesn't have anything to dream about.  Man, I'd be miserable too if I felt that way.

So, in moving forward in our relationship, we are now spending one night a week together to work on things.  My only issue now will be not to try to make all the changes I"m hoping for at once!

Looks like my husband is stubborn too.

marriage & selfishness

Today's Prayer 
God, Do You sense an independent spirit within me--one that hinders me from joining others in the mission You have called me to? While I do enjoy independence, it's nice sometimes to depend on someone else, to not have the whole weight of the world on my own shoulders. Help me to work with and live in harmony with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to help keep unity among believers as we go forward for the cause of Christ. If that means You need to work on that independent spirit within me, so be it. Help me, please. I love you, God. In Jesus name, amen.

Lord, I am quite sure I have an independent spirit.  I have not been as close to you this past year.  I don’t really like it.  I feel lost and wandering without you.

I realize this is because I’m not getting what I want.  That my husband is behaving so selfishly and I’m sure he feels he is not being selfish.  I am constantly wondering if it is me who needs to change and while I’m sure there are still things I can do to help the situation, I am leaning on the bulk of the responsibility for change being his because he is the one who is closed off and not doing anything different.

He cooks and cleans and tries to provide financially.  Is it too much to ask for more?  I can tell you that I am deeply dissatisfied by this or anything less than more.  God programmed me to want more.  How do I deal with that?  Do I just set that aside in my life because my husband doesn’t think more is necessary?  Do I pursue more on my own?

I want him to want more.  I don’t want him (or my kids for that matter) to settle for what is instead of reaching and trying for something better.  It’s like we tried a few times to have something more and it didn’t work out as planned and now he won’t risk himself again.  He is flat out wrong.

(Today's Prayer is taken from Prime Time With God by Oz Hillman)

disagreements

          

Dear God, I praise you and thank you for who you are. Please guide me and help me when I face conflict and disagreement with others. Help me to follow biblical principles. Sometimes I'm just "hard-headed" and do not want to give in to compromise, even when either view, decision, desire is biblical. Help me to carefully consider the other person's perspective and situation. And if someone has wronged me, give me courage to confront them in a spirit of love and reconciliation. If they will not hear me, show me who should go with me to talk with the person. When necessary, help me to continue on and take steps based on Your Word. I want to do what is right, and as much as possible, to live peaceably with all people. Please forgive me where I have failed, and give me the grace and wisdom to do better; to do what is right. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

Thank you Os once again for hitting me right where I need to be… hit.

I had a fight with my husband last night and while I’m still smarting from it and the general feeling of neglect I deal with in my marriage and my family; seeing that God cares about me does make a big difference in my ability to move forward in some way.  I mean really!  I sit here at work feeling wounded and unloved because of the argument and my husband’s ability to turn it off and move forward without any concern for how I’m feeling (drat, tears again!) and this comes as a prayer.  I think I’ll be praying it hourly today as I attempt to not plot revenge by spending money this afternoon (for things I actually need yes, but in my state of mind there would be some revenge there too!).

Prayer from TGIF: Today God Is First by Os Hillman

Anniversary

Today is my anniversary. 
Today I choose not to think about the very difficult and lonely years we've recently been through, but to celebrate the cool and quirky stuff we did and the hope of a future together that I can look back on 10 years from now with satisfaction and gratitude that we made it through the parenting years (though we may be paying for college indefinitely - who knows).

Here's to running through the sprinkers at midnight on our birthdays.
Here's to Woody Allen movies.
Here's to dancing in the aisles at the grocery store.
Here's to great sex.
Here's to agreeing to help our friends when they need it.
Here's to creating two beautiful and intelligent and challenging human beings who will go forth and make the world a better place.
Here's to finding our way back to a couplehood as we embrace the challenges of raising children.
Here's to thoughtful gifts through the years.
Here's to sacrifice.
I love you!

You know, I kind of like that.  I think I'll make that my anniversary card!

Hope Again

So while I have a belief still that my husband won't change into the perfect man (would that mean I have to be the perfect woman?  oh my, that's too much work), after a very difficult week in my marriage I have decided to be myself and continue to try.  (hold the applause please...this is God more than it's me).

I was so ready to let the ball rest in his court and give the hubster enough rope to hang himself with when two things happened. 

1. I went to church.
2. Someone recommended "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" and I watched a clip.

Church always has a way of changing your perspective and helping ensure you are on the right track.  (hint: if your church isn't doing this, you may want to look around).  They did a teaching on Jonah of all things and you so wouldn't see marriage advice in that lesson, but it's there!  Jonah was proud and wanted things his way, not God's way.  He pouts and stomps his feet because God is merciful just as Jonah thought.  I wasn't hit with a 2x4 this time, I was hit with a rubber chicken (I'm not kidding).  Part of the events on stage they threw things into the audience and I was hit by this rubber chicken. My take away was where am I being proud and wanting my way, vs. doing what God wants.

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage talks about having to tell a man, and tell them more than once, and be direct, no hinting.  I guess after the chicken inspiration, I was open to being the one to move forward again. 

So this morning... my husband hugged me and while I didn't really want to hug, I did.  And we kissed and then I prayed for him.  There, aloud, in the kitchen.  Prayed that God would show him his value and purpose at work (a job he is so not fond of). 

We'll see how it goes.

Down time

I am sitting here alone in my home right now.

Yes, actually A L O N E in my own home!

OK, I realize this may not be the biggest deal in the world to you, but it almost never happens to me.

It's been a very tumultuous week for me.

I had a huge fight with my husband that ended when I went to stay at a hotel for the night.  Which should have been a terrible or lonely experience for me and instead was a nice respite and I kind of wish I could have stayed for a week!  The bed was so comfortable.  The only person I had to concern myself with was me.  There was no mess and the only noise was the train going by a few times -- which I hear at home too so it really barely registered.

Which makes me think.  How much of life and the things we need to be aware of barely register?  The complaints of our spouse that we've heard so many times but haven't done anything to address... and now we no longer hear the complaint?

I know that for a long time I did not see the mess in my home.  Partially I have been paralyzed by it and only recently understood why.  Which is how my eyes opened to the mess in my home.  Now I work on it and we are getting better, but it never seems to end!!!  (Need to throw out more stuff, if you don't have a spot for something give or throw it away... I'm getting there.)

After the big blow up with the hubster, I think I lasted one whole day of not wanting to talk to him.  Then, I went to church and my heart was softened in a big way that I have to be who I am and who God has called me to be.  I have to forgive, I have to move forward and try.  I have to push the part of me that thinks nothing will change away.  I can always change so by definition, something will change.

I don't want to be deaf to things I can change.  I want to hear and see what God is calling me to so that I can be who He sees and live a life worthy of the calling God has placed on my life.  I guess hope does continue to live in my heart and in my mind.  Now I need to allow it into my actions.

which would you choose?

warning:  the following links contain sophomoric (read: liberal use of expletives) language and upsetting information.  Read on at your own risk.

When upset with your husband do you...

A:   Giant Metal Chicken
B:  Say "he deserved it"
C:  Scream & Fight
D:  Other

Fighting with the hubster (put the knife down woman)

I must confess I love a good fight.  I do not mind confrontation and thoroughly enjoy winning them when the opportunity arises.  I actually got money back from the Irvine Company when we moved out of one of their apartments.  If you don't live in Orange County (or even Southern California) this will have little meaning to you; so to offer context... it's up there with arguing to get money back from the IRS because you disagree with their findings.  (Actually, I'm quite proud of that particular altercation and am delighted when given the opportunity to recount it.  But that's not why we are here today.)

For the first, oh, say, 10 years of my marriage, I gave my husband to "The Irvine Company Treatment" in the fight department.  I think it would be fair to say I kind of ground him into dust.  Not that I won every argument - though my pride so wants that to be true because then, I'm, you know, justified.  I remember the exact moment I realized I was ruining our relationship with this behavior.  Sparing you the voluminous details I'm capable of, my husbter turned to me and said, "When we fight, it doesn't matter what I say, it doesn't even matter if I'm right.  I know in the end you have to be right or it will never stop."

2x4 in action.

That was a whack upside the head.  God used that one small statement in the midst of a fight and I've tried very hard to change from that moment on.  I don't think my husband has any idea how hard I try to change because I know some of my dreck leaks out.  Seriously, there are days where I shouldn't be in the kitchen because there are weapons of mass destruction in there that in the heat of battle, I may be tempted to use.

Fast forward to my best friend moving away.  Insert period of appropriate mourning.  OK, we can talk about it again...

She and her husband were having a discussion about getting a new bed.  His comment to her was they would get a new bed when she lost weight.  Now, before you go all nuclear about this (like I did) listen to her response.  She laughed!  She knew it wasn't true so why should it bother her. 

Could it really be THAT easy?  Not letting what's not true bother me?

So I tried that on for a while.  Tested it out.  You know what?  IT'S POWERFUL!  It's FREEDOM!  It's revolutionary!  It actually kind of changed my life.

But I forgot all that last night.
My husband and I had what ended up being conflicting plans last night.
I intended to bring the offspring with me to a movie and he intended (as he intends each Thursday) to have quiet time.  Being a 9 on the Myers Briggs Introvert scale, he requires such things at regular intervals to function at a basic level.  When we got home... no offspring.

No note.
No cell phones (both are currently lost -- so not replacing those).
My offspring really are not old enough for this kind of behavior. 

So I called around looking for them without success until I'm ready to walk out the door to my movie & other friends (those other people being the reason I couldn't just cancel my plans, which I so would have done).  My husband was NOT HAPPY!  We had a few words because now I'm feeling bad about his unhappiness.  I am now unhappy with him for "making" me feel bad for not cancelling my plans.  He just wants his down time.  I just want to see friends.  Really, neither of us want something bad. 

I'm late, so I leave. 

But I'm not done.

I call him and try to talk it out.  I get his go to response, "I have nothing to say.  We will have to agree to disagree."

Except that I have an emotional response to this and it is icky and I want him to take that away so I can enjoy my evening.  I want him to make me feel better and tell me, "it's OK, go enjoy your evening."  We go back and forth.  He keeps saying the "agree to disagree" thing and I'm having visions on sharp instruments but am determined not to devolve into a screaming banshee (though I do a really good screaming banshee, just so you know).  Ultimately, nothing is resolved.

I sit in my car and cry until I can pull myself together then I walk in to see my friends.
I don't share that I just fought with the hubster.
We talk and I try to enjoy myself, but I wonder if the guilt I feel for taking the evening away from the hubster is showing.

Walking up to the movie theater, I get a flash of brilliance.  Called home and offered to have the hubster drop the offspring off to see the movie with me.  He shockingly says NO!
The movie was really good and I cried through most of it which left me emotionally exhausted.  Went home to the usual offspring waiting for me, where have you been all night, now let's smother Mom greeting and we all go to bed.

Fast forward to this morning.
The hubster comes in and gives me a big hug.


And now the ick is gone and I'm ready to tackle another Friday.
(but I really shouldn't have eaten that half a donut.  ICK)

Different Perspective

So, it's been a while, I want to blog, I love blogs, I love the whole idea of it...but time is not always my friend.  No home computer for many moons...I'm back at it... let's go!

So, re-reading my last few posts and being in a different frame of mind (a bit anyway)...
The first thing that came to mind was "what would my husband think upon reading this?"
I think he would say "ditto" a lot.  He is probably feeling much the same way.  That is a very interesting perspective shift.

I think part of making relationships work is being able to see things from the other person's side.