Discontent

I am discontent. I try not to be. I know that discontent often comes from expectations and as sad as it may initially sound, I try not to have many expectations. I don't expect my kids to behave- I know they won't and am pleased when they do what is expected. We are all a work in progress and any step in a forward direction is a good thing.

This does not mean I don't have big dreams or high standards, because I do. I want a loving relationship with my husband that is mutually fulfilling. I want my kids to grow up to be wonderful, thoughtful, kind people who can support themselves financially at something they even like doing.

I want to have family dinners (maybe everyday is a lot to ask for but a few times a week is not. Perhaps part of my issue is the sheer volume of things requiring improvement and how overwhelming it is. I love my job, but am seeing how hard all this is with 2 working parents, a girl fighting puberty and a teen boy who often thinks the rules just aren't that important. Add to that my reading about the Quitter conference and looking through Facebook watching the great lives it seems everyone else is having. I am not having a pity party. There may be some "poor me" in the mix; however my focus is more on how to make things better. Where to start? Anyone else feeling overwhelmed by life? Feel free to kvetch here, but let's not be a full time kvetcher (is that a word?). )

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

How should we spend our bonus?

We are getting a bonus from work this year and I've already spent it like 8 different ways (man, it was fun), but now that the actual date of actual deposit of said bonus into our actual bank account draws near... the discussion of how to actually spend the money has been broached.

Pay Taxes:  Hey, Uncle Sam needs his too!  So the first 50% of any dosh will be sent off to Uncle Sam where my congressmen will spend it frivilously on things I could never get away with in my own personal budget.  sigh.

A Vacation: because my Lord knows I haven't been on one of those in years and years and years!

Cosmetic surgery: (like specifically a tummy suck/tuck -- could they just do my whole body?  Then I wouldn't even have to change my eating habits to lose weight and maintain it.  Except I hear it hurts.  Things ooze.  There are compression bandages involved.  I am already a very physically hot person (as in "I'm hot so don't even think about touching that thermostat unless you want to see some serious skin.")  Plus, my husband would never agree to an elective surgery because all he see's are the little kids starving in Africa.  There's a mood killing image.  My in a nightgown ready for business time and he's not in the mood because every time he looks at me he see's all the starving children we could have helped.  OK, that's out.

Spending Spree:  this kind of doubles as a vacation when you think about it.  I mean, I could do some serious damage at WalMart with a bonus check!  (but then I'll have to deal with the guilt of spending money at WalMart since several friends have explained to me that they are not a "nice" company and take advantage of people all over the world (with apparently the exception of the consumer because WalMart prices rock!). 

Pay of Debt:  OK, nuff said.  (in case you didn't catch it, that was a noooooooo)

Spend Wisely:  Probably what we'll do.  School is almost here which means, supplies, uniforms, backpacks, books, clothes.  There's a huge chunk there.  The hubster and I can update our thread weary closets and maybe I can manage to get a decent camera. 

You know... that bonus wasn't so fun after all.

annoying habits

We have a big Healthy Lifestyle push at work...like all the time.
I am not really an unhealthy person (2 cups of coffee with cream AND lots of sugar, 1 coke, couple bottles of water thrown in for good measure, pb&j, whatever I want for lunch and a sweet snack in the afternoon.... OK, maybe I am an unhealthy person).  Obviously I am in some denial.  As I've passed the threshold of my 40s things have gone down hill physically.  I've always claimed my body hates me (a claim I stand by today).  I have a list of issues reaching back to puberty that I've just learned to live with.

However, I am noticing that each year further into this decade I have more complaints.

And these complaints are more bothersome.

I was looking at a list of supplements that will help with many issues the average human body deals with and my current plan was to just take all the supplements and keep doing everything else the same.  One of my coworkers was kind enough to point out the fallacy of this approach. She is very good at watching her diet and being smart about what treats she indulges in.  (Hey, maybe I should just pay her to cater my food each day!!)

All this to say I don't want to change and know I need to.  Did you hear me?  I know I need to.  Don't "they" say that acknowledging you have a problem is the first step?  OK, I've made the first step.  Now, where are the M&Ms?

So busy...

Any Christian with children (or a friend who has children) has heard of Veggie Tales.  (If you haven't catch up people, seriously!  Even College students watch Veggie Tales for their catchy songs and poinant life lessons).

One of my all time favorites is one of their first ones (the first?) "Are You My Neighbor".  In the "Tale of Two Cities" (Flibber O Loo) they show the song about the Good Samaritan.  One of the songs that has stuck with me for... well... let's just say a looong time is this one.

I'm Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.
Larry: Oh, I see.
Archibald and Doctor: We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what we have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.
'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy
More than a bumblebee, more than an ant.
Busy, busy, horribly busy
We'd love to help, but we can't!
Archibald: Ta ta!

I think about this in light of the dreadfully busy lives we live.  Especially in Orange County, CA (ok, so this is actually my only real reference for lifestyle since this is where I live and have always lived and worked; so if you live someplace equally as high pressure, feel free to include your city here! _____).

We have our whole "keeping up with Newport Coast" (or Newport Beach, or the other family that seems to have the perfect life and you know you would NEVER invite them to your house without having moved out first and had it professionally cleaned and steralized... but I digress).  This is a culture of high motivation, extremely busy schedules, overcommitment, frustrating traffic and the ever increasing communication and information available on your must have smart phone.  (Gosh that was tiring to even write!)

I am busy.  I love being busy.  I wear my busy-ness like a badge of honor and importance. 

You'll tell me what you are doing this weekend, and without even thinking that I might be committing social suicide in one-upsmanship, I'll reply with the list of things I intend to accomplish this weekend.  Where I'm volunteering, how many kids I'll be taking with me to a theme park or the beach or to do some involved craft...

What comes to mind right now on this very common topic in my life is... what am I missing out on due to my busy-ness?  Have I given God each day and all my plans and asked Him what His plans are for me?  Am I open to the Holy Spirit's leading if one of my kids just needs some face time without all the distractions?  Am I available to reach out to someone in need when I see the opportunity?  More importantly, am I just filling time to avoid being quiet with myself where I might focus on God's will in my life? 

See, that's what a 2x4 girl does.  We do. And do. And do.  I'm often so busy that I don't realize what I'm missing out on.  I'm too busy to really hear and accept the quiet leading of the Holy Spirit and I force God's hand with the 2x4 because I continually ask Him for His will, but I often don't stick around long enough to hear it.

I'm working on this.  I am a continuous work in progress and I have the splinters to show it.
Where are you on this journey?  How can you make some changes today?

I've got nothing

Lots of ideas all day, and now nothing.  Bits and pieces of ideas and nothing I can put together.  I could tell you that we have a new bunny.  She's cute.  Oh, I told you before, she was an attack bunny the 2nd day we had her.  That was funny.  Now she's reasonably nice, but is drunk with freedom.  We let her run around the downstairs (and poo in the corner) and every so often she just jumps up high and wiggles her bum in the air and goes on about her business.  Almost like something scared her mid hop. 

Our cat, Marmalade, is in the house.  He has met the bunny is thus far isn't impressed.  Actually, he's scared of said bunny (who still has no name).  He has always been a "fraidy cat" from the day I rescued him.  He was found at a wee kitten in front of a grocery store, shaking and afraid.  i got him from someone who couldn't have cats and it took me 3 days of holding him before he finally stopped shaking.  Then, he would hide, but with only his head hidden, bum still out.  Which of course made me laugh.  So he's always been afraid.  Now he's big.  Not huge, but big.  The bun was hopping around last night and cornered Marmalade in the kitchen.  I heard him hissing and got up just to make sure the bun was ok.  It didn't occur to me Marmalade might need rescuing.  Zoom, he ran up the stairs and away from the bunny.  I have a feeling they will eventually get along.

So naming the bunny.  I want to name her Fifi or Fiona.  Don't ask me why, I don't know.

Arguments Between Churches

learning in steps

I just had a small (but meaningful) "aha" moment.

I've been working at my current job for almost 1.5 years now.  During that time, I have been attempting to provide customer service regarding a database of some pretty detailed and technical information.

If I'm honest, I have been hoping this whole time that said database responsibility would be taken away from me, so I only paid enough attention to get by and do a decent job.  Now that my responsibilities have doubled (vs shrink as I'd hoped) I am taking more ownership and thus, paying a bit more attention.

Mind you, all that I'm doing is Greek to me because I'm dealing with codes and numbers for items that have no relationship for me.  There is one person (I call her the Queen or Goddess) who has been here so long that she can rattle off what something is based on a random part number.  (We should sell tickets!)  OK, maybe not ticket worthy, but when you are the new kid on the block, someone with that level of information in their brain and a willingness to share it is a Godsend!

My a-ha moment was relating a part to the whole and realizing the relationship.  It's one small step for admin-kind, but I have a feeling the additional learning needed to (dare I say it?) master this database will be faster in coming.  It's the kind of learning that grows exponentially. 

God is like this too.  He teaches us what we can comprehend bit by bit stretching us (stretching me) to reach the next point in our relationship.  There are mountaintop experiences where I can look back and see all that God & I have accomplished and appreciate how far I've come.  Where I can drink in God in all His glory through something I've personally experienced.  I LOVE THOSE TIMES!  They are important and necessary because other times I feel like I can barely see my next move.  I'm pressed up against a mountain and while I am currently holding tight, I don't know which arm to reach out with, how far I have to stretch before I grab the rocks above me and pull myself up/forward.  (OK, I've never been mountain climbing and honestly, I'm not wild about sports analogies, but...if I put this in emotional terms we'd be here forever.)

I see that while I often want God to lay out His plan for me so I can see all of it; God doesn't do that because I cannot handle it.  I'm not ready because without the experiences of tomorrow and next year I cannot imagine the journey 5 years from now.  God wants my faith.  He wants my trust in Him.  He wants a relationship with me that draws me to Him daily, not just in my times of need.  It is the relationship building that allows me to climb higher, to attain God's plan for me.  He tells me He can do immeasurably more than anything I can ask or imagine. (Eph 3:20)

God builds upon my experiences, upon my faith, each day. 

Which makes me ask myself...what am I asking or imagining from God?
Am I putting the time into my relationship with Him so that I can climb higher?

And I didn't even need a 2x4 for this one!