How could this have happened?

I have been willing myself to go so far as to want to be healthy with the idea that if I wanted it, there was an outside chance it might happen. (btw, I cannot type for anything on this tablet!) So after a year of this wishful desire to want to care and then want to do sometbing about it I have begun to actually (gasp) do something.

I started walking. Not far or anything. I think it's been maye 4 days and already my body wants it. I know this is ultimately is this thing but I'm having a hard time accepting this. this isn't who I have always been. I tend to be more sedentary, leave me one with my happiness box and we'll all be fine. Life is more than a writers stories and memories.

I walked last night in some pain. Tonight I worked overtime for the second day in a  row. I wasnt going to walk. Mh body rebelled. Unbelievable! So I had to do something while waiting for everyone to fall asleep.

I keep thinking about the quote... Fat doesnt taste as good as thin feels.

Allergies

I have been sick most of my life.
I can't even recall the last time I didn't feel ill.  It is a fleeting state for me that often brings with it a renewed frustration with my daily health such that I wonder if it is worth feeling good at all.  It makes me feel worse when the symptoms come back.
I have allergies.  I went through immunotherapy when I was 16.  I passed out during the test (which I did on my own and now think, hey, where was my Mom?  I was pretty independent though so it doesn't really surprise me that I would go alone.).  I recall waking up and thinking I was in my room at home and couldn't immediately understand why the allergy doctor was there.  I eventually figured it out.  I wasn't home; I was on the floor in the doctor's office.  Funny, having the testing done today I wonder if it was as short a process then as it was today.  It was all of 15-20 mins.  Seemed like a lot longer back when I was a teenager, but then time is funny that way and fainting sure will mess up your sense of time.

I got my allergy shots for what seemed like forever (there I go with time again).  8 shots a week.  Not fun.

I had to go off my oh so precious antihistamine in order to do this test and I don't know how much longer I can stand it.  I stopped taking it on 5 days ago.  3 days in I thought I was going to put a hole in my eye lid trying to itch it.  My tongue itches, my hands are swelling, my shoulders itch, my stomach.  It is not fun.  I figure it will be worth it if they find what I'm allergic to and can do something to help me feel better.

However, the test today didn't show any allergies.  I told them I snuck 1/2 an antihistamine to avoid the loony bin on Sat eve.  The control test showed I was still having a histamine reaction.  My concern... what if they don't show any allergies?  I've kind of gotten my hopes up on feeling decent and being able to hear and not feel like I'm under water all the time.

sigh...