I am so lonely. I want romance! Not flowers and chocolates romance, real romance. Falling in love or being in love, feeling in love. Looking forward to sharing my day and my thoughts with somebody who cares. Everything seems so basic lately. I feel like there is no depth in my life. Am I just playing at living right now? It's not that I'm not present, because I am. Oh this makes no sense. I'm just rambling, but then, this is my ramble blog. Nonsense and deep thoughts and ranting when needed.
I am lonely.
My marriage is a shell. We are roommates and parents with occasional benefits. I am the one doing the pursuing and I so want to be pursued. I want to be... wanted. To feel pretty and loved and interesting. I want to say "I deserve" to feel these things, but I don't know that I believe life is about my happiness. There is certainly happiness to be found in life, but I do not believe it is the goal. There is more to it than that.
I guess I am just lost with my marriage in trouble and my husband tuned out and here I am feeling better about myself than I ever have and "nobody" to appreciate it. It doesn't seem fair; but then I tell my children constantly... life is not fair.
I am hiding in romantic stories of fictional men who care. Right now I am no disallusioned by relationships. I give too much and so often that I think I have trained others not to give back. So foolish. I wish I'd learned to balance this all better.
sigh
Maybe I can sleep some of this off.
Showing posts with label critical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label critical. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Jesus Calling
First, if you have not heard of the book Jesus Calling it really is a devotional you should own. It's so good. It is often just what you need to hear and I love when God does that.
Today I learned about having a critical spirit and how that creates a lot of dissatisfaction in our lives. being critical, thinking that we know the "right" way to do something really feeds pride and adds that it's not just that I (we) are right, you are wrong. Having a conversation with a friend about her father and him trying to teach a life lesson about the importance of higher education after watching a fast food worker mess up an order. Initially it struck me as just mean or petty, but as I listened, I thought, you know there is some truth there. Yes, not getting an education can lead you to working fast food. It is something parents use to help their children see the consequences of their choices in life. The other side of that is a lack of empathy for the worker... or the idea that each person needs to justify their life before you as if you (we/I whomever) in this scenario are the judge and jury to the validity of that person's life.
Man, I'm realizing how tired I am and I hope this all makes sense in the morning. I so rarely have time to write and I have much I want to say.
So being judgmental and critical can really kill your dreams. I think in addition to being critical of others, you (we) are critical of yourself as well.
A friend of mine and I talked about this today. I took it to heart as well and had to go back through my relationships to see where I am guilty of this behavior. I don't want to be but apparently it's contagious from those around us and I imagine others aren't that keen to be with us -- unless your plans for reveng are entertaining of course.
Here is today's Jesus Calling:
September 6
Do Everything in depdence on Me. the desire to act independently -- apart from Me--springs from the root of pride. Self-sufficiency is subtle, insinuating its way into your thoughts and actions without your realizing it. But apart from Me you can do nothing: that is, nothing of eternal value. My deepest desire for you is that you learn to depend on Me in every situation. I move heaven and earth to accomplish this purpose, but you must collaborate with Me in this training. Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power. However, I love you too much to withdraw the godlike privilege I bestowed on you as My image-bearer. Use your freedom wisely, by relying on Me constantly. Thus you enjoy My Presence and My Peace.
John 13:5
Ephesians 6:10
Genesis 1:26-27
What is God speaking to you about?
Today I learned about having a critical spirit and how that creates a lot of dissatisfaction in our lives. being critical, thinking that we know the "right" way to do something really feeds pride and adds that it's not just that I (we) are right, you are wrong. Having a conversation with a friend about her father and him trying to teach a life lesson about the importance of higher education after watching a fast food worker mess up an order. Initially it struck me as just mean or petty, but as I listened, I thought, you know there is some truth there. Yes, not getting an education can lead you to working fast food. It is something parents use to help their children see the consequences of their choices in life. The other side of that is a lack of empathy for the worker... or the idea that each person needs to justify their life before you as if you (we/I whomever) in this scenario are the judge and jury to the validity of that person's life.
Man, I'm realizing how tired I am and I hope this all makes sense in the morning. I so rarely have time to write and I have much I want to say.
So being judgmental and critical can really kill your dreams. I think in addition to being critical of others, you (we) are critical of yourself as well.
A friend of mine and I talked about this today. I took it to heart as well and had to go back through my relationships to see where I am guilty of this behavior. I don't want to be but apparently it's contagious from those around us and I imagine others aren't that keen to be with us -- unless your plans for reveng are entertaining of course.
Here is today's Jesus Calling:
September 6
Do Everything in depdence on Me. the desire to act independently -- apart from Me--springs from the root of pride. Self-sufficiency is subtle, insinuating its way into your thoughts and actions without your realizing it. But apart from Me you can do nothing: that is, nothing of eternal value. My deepest desire for you is that you learn to depend on Me in every situation. I move heaven and earth to accomplish this purpose, but you must collaborate with Me in this training. Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power. However, I love you too much to withdraw the godlike privilege I bestowed on you as My image-bearer. Use your freedom wisely, by relying on Me constantly. Thus you enjoy My Presence and My Peace.
John 13:5
Ephesians 6:10
Genesis 1:26-27
What is God speaking to you about?
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